


When We Lost Ourselves

by MissMickie



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMickie/pseuds/MissMickie
Summary: This takes place right after Sidney tells Charlotte he has engaged himself to Mrs. Campion.Charlotte is too heartbroken to go home and stays in Sanditon.We will meet a new character and fall in love with him.There will be angst, a miscarriage and a death.Tissues will need to be on hand for the last chapter just before the HEA.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker, Mary Parker/Tom Parker (Sanditon)
Comments: 289
Kudos: 196





	1. Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Many a broken heart never completely heals it just endures.
> 
> So far the stories I've written have been fluffy little things but this time of year I found myself in a black hole and the story that follows is the product of that.

<

She walked to the cliff tops and could see for what seemed like a million miles. The sea meets the sky and it’s all around. The top of the cliffs are in bloom and the smell is perfumed. It’s magnificent here, so picturesque the colors of the blooms are bright and like some loves won’t last forever they will come and go with the seasons. Unexpectedly coming into sight, a man, she thinks it’s him but it’s not. This is where he kissed her and she can’t forget how it felt. It’s to never be again. Now she feels so completely empty, lost and the future is meaningless. She has to accept it, she can’t change it, she can’t blame anyone but maybe herself. 

Moving on she goes to the path leading to the secluded cove, shells to be found and memories to be had. The big rocks look as if they are growing out of the sand and sea. They create a shield to hind behind. She goes to look as the water washes afresh the sands she’ll walk upon. It was hot that day, the sun beating down, the bonnet had little protection, no parasol to guard against its rays. All alone there and it’s serene but she is lonely and discouraged. She thought she saw him.

Making sure no one was there, just her, she took off her shoes and hose so she could gather up her skirts and paddle in the cool water. It’s scrumptious to feel the sand between her toes. Her mind wanders to other places. What will become of her in this seaside town ? 

The last ball of the season is Saturday and she has to go for a fitting of the ball gown she is to wear. It takes her back to the day he kissed her. She was going for a dress fitting. This one was a dusty pink rose color and Mary said it highlights the dark brown curls of her hair. When excited her cheeks turn the same color or so they say.

She saw the man again, he was walking along the shoreline but he saw her and went the other way. What little she can make out he is most pleasant looking but it’s not him.

She hurried back to Trafalgar house. For some reason being out there alone she can’t clear her mind. Everything causes memories of him and it’s too much. Her heart has crumbled and she can’t think it will ever be the same. Love is something that makes things change and nothing is ever going to be equal to that first encounter. Her world has been shattered.

\-------------------------------------

“Charlotte, we are to have tea with Lady Denham’s this afternoon. Tell me you will be on time and ready?” Mary questioned as she settled the children with their nanny.

“Yes, ma’am I’ll be ready, thank you for reminding me.” 

She is only 19 years of age now and has lost the one true love she has known in her short life. No one else will do, no one else will understand her as he did. Not everyone is as outspoken and opinionated as her and he didn’t care. Right now she can’t think there would ever be anyone else to take his place. Maybe in time there could be but that is far off and it can’t be thought of now.

She can’t explain it, it seems it’s a feeling that came from the way he looked at her or a sight touch. It’s the sound of her name from his lips.

He can make her angry and then she cares what he thinks. 

\-----------------------------------------

“ 

Approaching the estate where Lady Denham resides you have to notice the grounds, full of trees and the deer are about everywhere. The large mansion is built of stone, vines crawling up the sides. They step to the double doors and are invited in by the butler. The entrance is full of ancient sculptures and fine paintings hang on the walls. 

They enter the great hall where the Lady sits waiting for their arrival .

Pointing to the velvet covered chairs they are told to sit.

Lady Denham rings for tea. The tea is served in fine china, roses adorn the set.

“Help yourselves,” the lady tells them, "it will get cold.”

“Charlotte, are you looking forward to the ball ?” Lady Denham almost demanded to know.

“ Yes ma'am, very much indeed.”

“ I say we’ll see you walk down the aisle soon enough.” 

“ I haven’t met anyone I would consider marrying.” Charlotte smiles politely; she can’t help the slight frown between her eyes.

“Come child, I know what it’s like to be young, I was young once. If you don’t know I’ll remind you, marriage is a business arrangement. I wouldn’t put much stock in it being for love.” 

“ I haven’t given it any thought,” She looks away. She can feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes and the truth is marriage had been all she thought about until he told her about Mrs. Campion.

“I’m sure you’ll have suitors at the ball so be sure to dance when asked. You're looking for wealth and a title would be most appealing. ‘Looks and love have nothing to do with it.’ Look at me, I married well and I’m left with all this.” Lady Denham waved her hand around at the enormous room and all it’s fine furnishings.

The huge fireplace has logs burning, there is light and heat from the flames. Large trinkets set on the mantle, something for the maids to dust.

While they drank their tea the ladies talked of the weather and how grand the Regatta was. Lady Denham continued her instructions concerning marriage. 

Esther the great Ladies niece was announced. She was there to check on her aunt. Dressed in fine green silk, her hair bright as the red morning skies. Now that she is married the way she carries herself is remarkably different. She almost smiles. She is quite comfortable with Lord Babington. He’s a good man and she is learning she loves him more than she ever thought possible. It was good to hear her praise her husband. Esther and Charlotte would have to visit another time. Lady D commanded everyone's attention.

  
  


The afternoon of listening to Lady Denham finally came to an end. Mary and Charlotte are thankful it’s time to leave, excusing themselves they start the walk back to Trafalgar House. 

Mary wrapped Charlotte's arm in her’s. The path this time of year is still full of grasses and wildflowers. “Charlotte, I can’t tell you how distressed I have been for you. I wish there was something I could do to help.” 

“Don’t trouble yourself Mary, I’ll be happy again, I’m sure of it. The fault isn’t yours. It’s just the way things turned out.” 

Truly she never thought happiness would once again be hers but why cause Mary to share her pain ?

She realizes Sidney’s marriage to Eliza will be nothing more than a business arrangement except he once loved her and she loved him. She must love him still.

Deep down she is not looking forward to the ball. What if she looks up at the balcony and he is there ? What if Mrs. Campion is there with him ?

She can’t think badly of him and she can’t hate her. Mrs. Campion has loved him for 10 years and in time he will love her again. Charlotte doesn’t want pity. No one can feel sorry for her; she already feels sorry enough for herself. 

  
  


Her heart still aches with pain she had not known existed. She should go home to Willingden but Mary wishes her to stay. She helps with the children among other things. Tom’s papers are always in need of sorting. She can’t go in or out of the house without seeing the painting of him. She has already cried so much there can’t be any tears left.

She felt it important to go about her day as if nothing had changed feelings remained the same. Mary knows, Tom refuses to know anything unless it’s something he made up.

“I don’t think he will be coming to the ball,” Mary tells her as they continue their walk. The sun shines brightly this day, the breeze is gentle against their skin, skirts ruffle slightly.

“He is still in London, so much business for him to sort. We just got a letter saying he was sorry he wouldn’t be here in time.” 

“It doesn’t matter Mary, I really don’t wish to see him.” 

Why doesn’t Mary quit talking about him and bringing it up? How was she to get past it all with the constant reminder? She wished she could say that out loud.

“Mary, what do you think of what Lady D says about marriage ?”

“I don’t quite know what to think of it. I suppose I was lucky, Tom was the first son and had inherited most of the family wealth, he was tall and handsome and I just knew he was the one. Then he started building this town, now I’m not sure who he loves.” 

They reached Trafalgar House in time for afternoon tea. Tom was in his study and the children were with the nanny. Mary thought Tom had someone with him , she could hear him talking. When she looked no one was there; he was pacing the floor talking to himself. The fire seemed to have caused an awakening to his faults, now his younger brother is going to have to save him. He told himself this was a good thing, Sidney would finally be with the love of his life.

Tom’s study was it’s usual mess, papers lined his desk, fell on the extra chairs then on to the floor. He laid things down wherever he was, hat, cane it all went in a pile. He said he could find everything but of course he couldn’t. 

The ladies tired from their walk sat in the parlor for afternoon tea. The parlor was decorated in shades of blue with white accessories setting on the tables and hanging on the walls. 

"Charlotte, would you pick up our dresses tomorrow? "We’ll be ready for the ball." Mary added.

\---------------------------------------------

According to Tom the ball was to be grand. Mary and Charlotte made their appearance at the entrance and Tom announced them, he thought they were both ravishing in their new gowns. Mary wore a pale gold gown with fine needle work along the neck and hem. Her pearl necklace accented her neck earrings to match she was lovely. Charlotte’s pale rose colored dress was cut low in the front, a full skirt that swirled as she walked. A small necklace to match. They were indeed ravishing.

The ballroom was grand, huge chandeliers hanging from the ceilings, long candles burning, the glow was powerful. An orchestra played from a small balcony. Ladies and gentlemen dressed in their finest fashion of the day, mingled and danced, laughter could be heard throughout the grand room.

They made their way to the side of the dance floor, and took a drink from the table. Tom was here, there and everywhere talking about the town and all the wonders of it. A gentleman Mary knew asked her to dance and she accepted. Tom made his way over to Charlotte, the man with him was most anxious to be introduced.

“Charlotte dear, I’d like to introduce you to Lord John Spencer of Edworth Manor, Bedfordshire ( _Just imagine the 2nd most handsome man we know_ ) 

John,” this is Charlotte Haywood, our guest at Trafalgar house .”

John bowed, never taking his eyes off her and expressed his pleasure in meeting her. She curtsied and gave him a slight smile. 

Lord Spencer wore the finest clothes from the continent, these clothes were made just for him fitting his fine form exceptionally well.

“May I have this dance Miss Haywood ?” He extended his large hand, his fingers strong. A hint of sun on his fine face and the back of his hands he was an attractive man.

She took his hand and he led her to the dance floor. A waltz had just begun and they looked to be a matched pair. He was tall, well built, dark curly hair and deep blue eyes. The dark blue coat he wore was a perfect match for his eyes.

“Have I seen you before?” She asked as he held her close enough to dance. 

His reply was more of a question “ Yes, I believe so, down by the sea ? “ 

“Yes,” she nodded. “ you walked away.”

“I thought a proper introduction would be most important,” he smiled at her the whole time. An inviting smile, one simply could not look away. 

“You know Mr. Tom Parker ?”

“Yes, I’ve known the Parker family for years. We used to live close by.”

“And you’ve come to visit now ?” 

“Yes, renew old friendships among other things,” he told her, one hand on her waist the other holding one of her hands. He could feel her other small hand on his shoulder, he enjoyed the feeling.

“And you’re staying here for a while ?” 

“Yes, a few weeks maybe, it’s nice here this time of the year.”

“Yes, I would agree.” 

He took care to hold her just so as they danced. He wanted to be able to look at her face. She was a bit nervous but he did have a dazzling smile and a calming effect on everyone he met. As the song ended he bowed again and walked her back to her position thanking her for the pleasure.

“ May I ask you for another dance maybe later this evening ?” He was already taken with her and knew he would hold her and dance again.

“ Yes,” she replied, trying to look away from his eyes. Captivating blue eyes one couldn’t just look away, you would find yourself lost in them. 

  
  


“Charlotte,” came the voice of Georgiana from across the room. They met and hugged each other. “I hate that wretched man” Georgiana could not and would not hold her anger or her tongue. Looking Charlotte over, "I must say you do look ever so lovely. I know he hurt you but it doesn’t seem to show. Is there anything we can do? I’d like to destroy him.” 

“Georgiana, you must not speak that way, besides if I'm ever to get past all this we can’t keep talking about it.”

“I’m sorry, I just knew he would do something to mess things up. Who was the handsome gentleman I saw you dancing with ?” 

“It was Lord John Spencer, Tom introduced us.” A smile appeared on her face as she thought about how he touched in.

Georgiana smiled for the first time, helping her to relax.

Mary noticed Charlotte was studying Lord Spencer. Leaning close so not to be overheard, “Lord Spencer is a wonderful young man.” Mary approved of the two, maybe this would be something to watch.

“His family used to live here, then they moved away and we haven’t seen them for quite some time. His parents aren’t with him and Tom has invited him for dinner tomorrow evening. You’ll get a chance to become more acquainted.” Mary’s voice full of hope.

Charlotte had all sorts of thoughts running through her mind. Maybe this was the type of man Lady D was talking about. She doesn't really know him but maybe she could at least try. She did notice he seemed to watch her from across the room. Yes he was handsome and she smiled when their eyes met. A business arraignment, yes she can see how that would work.

Tom introduced another gentleman and he also asked her to dance which she accepted. Mr. James Stringer was watching and waited his turn then asked her to dance and she was happy to share some time with him. 

“ May I say you look very lovely tonight, that color becomes you.”

“ Thank You Mr. Stringer. How is the work coming along.” She inquired.

“ Very well,” he told her but a little concern was showing on his face.

Mr. Stringer was a wonderful kind man. He worked hard, always a smile when he saw her, he didn’t tell her how he felt, maybe he thought she would just know.

They danced and enjoyed each other's company. Mr. Stringer had strong feelings for her but she didn’t understand the small things he would say from time to time. She just thought of him as a friend, nothing romantic almost like she thought of her brothers. 

She returned to Mary, Lord Spencer came back asking for another dance and she accepted without delay. 

“Miss Haywood, I hope you don’t mind but I sense sadness about you. Are you quite alright ?” 

“ Yes, I’m fine thank you. I’ve just had a busy few days and feel a bit tired.”

“ Miss Haywood,” a serious look on his face, he searched her eyes for approval. “I wonder if I might call on you at Trafalgar house ? I could ask Tom’s permission if you will allow me ." 

“Yes, I rather think I would enjoy your company, but do ask his permission first.” Her response was shy, she couldn’t look the other way, his eyes kept her looking at his face.

Mary tells me you're coming to dinner tomorrow evening.” 

“Indeed I am, I thought that might be a good time to speak to Tom.” he was smiling at her as the dance progressed. He was graceful and smooth as he led her about the floor.

As she was returning to the settee where Mary was she had a full view of the balcony where her life almost changed. She could see Sidney there. But it wasn’t him. It was no one. Lost in thought she heard her name and the voice she recognized, but it wasn’t. She even thought she could smell him. As she turned she thought she saw Sidney. He wasn’t there and he wasn’t talking to her. She wanted to jump up and run but was frozen in place. She thought he extended his hand and asked for a dance. She remembered him telling Georgiana if she didn’t put Otis from her mind she would go MAD !!!

What had happened ? He had gotten close to her, got to know her and let her know him opening himself to her. She fell in love with him and then he was gone. Still she could not think badly of him. She knew Tom had missed the insurance payments and she didn’t tell anyone. She had seen the past due bills. She was upset with herself because she could have done something. She should have told Sidney. Now she only blamed herself. Maybe she will build her own wall and guard her heart. 

She felt she was losing her mind. Seeing him, hearing him speak her name even remembering his smell. 

She tried to remember everything and yet she wanted to forget. Every argument they had, every time he yelled at her then how he improved. The sound of his voice. She must stop and put him out of her mind. 

“Charlotte, are you alright ?” Mary was asking, concern showing around the few wrinkles beside her eyes.

“Yes, I’m just lost in thought. Maybe I need to leave now, if you don’t mind.” 

“Of course not, but I don’t want you walking home unchaperoned.” 

Lord Spencer was watching her from across the room; she seemed to be his main objective. She was trying to hide her hurt when she noticed him. He reminded her so much of Sidney, even his deep velvet voice. 

Several other gentlemen asked for a dance and she would always smile and accept. Dancing wasn’t really what she wanted to do but she felt she must. 

Mary thought it a good idea for her to spend time with the other gentlemen, most were handsome in their own way, they were all polite. She could have her pick but she wasn't interested.

“Mary, maybe I just need some time.” She let out the breath she had been holding, “it's hard to stay here, I see and hear him everywhere.”

Mary was looking at the entrance and took her hand. Still looking at the people coming in she whispered, “he is here. I don’t see Mrs. Campion, don’t even look at him if you don’t want to.” 

Sidney was there with his friend, Mr. Crow. Lord and Lady Babington stood behind.

Mary knew the whole story and felt so regretful, this was Tom’s fault. She also didn’t think Sidney should be the one to fix everything. Once Tom helped Sidney but Sidney had repaid the kindness over so many times. 

“Miss Haywood,” Arthur was standing in front of her. Always smiling then asking her to trip the light fantastic.

She liked Arthur, she even liked Tom. Diana was also a pleasant person to be around. These were Sidney’s family, of course she would like them. She accepted Arthurs invitation to dance and that got her out of the sight of Sidney. What was he doing here ? She can’t look at him.

As soon as the dance was over she made her way to a side room leading out into the garden. There were too many people and it was getting too hot.

She had to stop and think, clear her mind . When will it ever end ?


	2. A Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney have a small conversation.
> 
> Eliza is told what's going on but she doesn't care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. This story will update every day until the end.  
> That is if nothing happens.

“Miss Haywood,” Lord Spencer was walking towards her, she heard the soft sound of his soothing voice.

“Oh excuse me, I didn’t see anyone else out here.”

“That’s quite alright,” he replied as he stepped even closer . “When you're ready may I escort you back inside ?” 

He seemed to always look so pleasant it was almost irritating. 

“Yes, I just need a few minutes of fresh air, it seemed so loud and stuffy in there.” 

“I agree, sometimes these things seem a bit tedious,” he looked at her with a board smile making her feel at ease, maybe warmer even.

He seemed an attentive man but in some ways so much like Sidney. His size is the same, he even sounded the same . Maybe if she closed her eyes she would think he was Sidney. That wouldn’t be fair, John was a different man, he seemed to be open with nothing hiding within his heart.

Sidney had been gone 5 weeks to the day. She kept thinking of every time she had seen him even going back to the day she first met him and he asked if she was the new maid and not remembering her name. The arguments they had, then the times it seemed they might be friends. The dance in London, things he told her, the kiss. Then when he told her he had engaged himself to Mrs. Campion. That was the moment her world fell apart.

Staying here wasn’t pleasant but for Mary she would stay a while longer. She couldn’t let her family see her in this state. They wouldn’t understand. She loved the community of Sanditon and the sea breeze at times really was revilitizing. Wind blowing through her hair causing a mess to be brushed out.

Lord Spencer gave her his arm and walked her back into the ballroom. 

Lord Babington was dancing with Esther and Mr. Crow was dancing with Clara but Sidney just stood to the side of the assembled group. He was just watching, needing to see her. Then there she was on the arm of someone else. How could he feel jealous ? After all he was engaged.

Sidney had exchanged letters with Tom and Mary but never any mention of her from them or him. He wanted to know how she was. Is she eating and sleeping enough? He still loved her more than life itself. She is on the arm of Lord Spencer. Sidney knew him, had spent a lot of time with him in their younger years. He knew him to be an honest sort from a good family of considerable wealth. Still it tugged at his heart to see her with him. 

“Sidney, So glad you made it.” Tom clasped him on the shoulder.

“Is Mrs. Campion here?”

“No, she stayed in London, so many arrangements to be made for her wedding.”

“Her wedding, it’s yours too?” 

“Is it ?” Sidney replied without looking in Tom’s direction, sadness almost anger in his voice.

“Brother, I thought you would be elated, all these years of waiting and now you have the love of your life.” Tom was clueless.

“Tom, people change over time, they often move in different directions.

This is the case with Eliza and myself.”

“But you have loved her all these years.” 

“Have I ? When have you heard me say anything about her ?”

“Well, well I assumed,” Tom's look of shock didn’t surprise Sidney. 

All the while Sidney was watching Charlotte. The fact that another man had her on his arm made Sidney feel ill but there was nothing he could or should do about it. He would just have another drink and maybe another after that. He felt to be a broken man, this had happened to him before but this was different, worse than before. He can’t help the pain he feels deep inside his very being. 

Sidney, walked away from Tom and over to Charlotte and Lord Spencer.

He stopped in front of them eyes on Charlotte. Nodding his head and speaking to Lord Spencer then Charlotte. 

“Sidney, well met. It’s been a long time.” Lord Spencer bowed his head in acknowledgment, the two men shook hands.

Sidney looked from Charlotte to Lord Spencer. She was dazzling in her gown. He can’t keep looking at her, his feelings would be on full display.

“I hear congratulations are in order,” Lord Spencer said thinking Sidney would be happy about his upcoming wedding.

Sidney gave him a slight head nod but didn’t reply. The whole encounter was tense and Lord Spencer picked up on it. He seemed to realize something was off between the two standing with him. The men asked after each other's families, polite conversation. She remained quiet, saying nothing seemed to be best. She knew her voice would crack. She knew he wanted to speak to her, get her alone. His look would drift from her to the balcony. After a few minutes Sidney nodded to them and excused himself. 

He made his way to the balcony in hopes she would see him. Hoping she would join him and they could have a conversation. He didn’t really know what he wanted to say but he did at least need some time alone with her.

She has to be well otherwise he can’t stand the thought of the pain of missing her, not being who she needed him to be.

She went to sit with Mary, while Lord Spencer mingled with some of his old friends. He stood out in the crowd, an impressive man, pleasant conversation with others as he walked about the crowd.

Looking around she felt Sidney's eyes on her from the balcony. She had to look several times to make sure he was real and it wasn’t her imagination. 

She excused herself then made her way up to the balcony where he stood waiting for her. It was like last time but it was this time and she knew it was a different time.

“Charlotte, my dear Charlotte.” and he took her hands. Rubbing his thumb across the tops of her gloved fingers. He tried to smile at her but it wasn’t meeting his eyes. Hurt and sorrow in his voice.

“I don’t know why I came to you, it can’t be,” she whispered, holding back tears she didn’t want him to see. She wanted him to know how much he hurt her at the same time she wanted to be strong.

“I just wanted to know you're well.”

“Yes, I’m well and you ?” She looked away, too much pain to bear.

“I’m doing the best I can,” His eyes pleaded for understanding he didn’t feel he deserved.

I see you’ve met Lord Spencer.” He was anxious about the thought of it. 

“Yes, he seems quite polite. He tells me your families have known each other from years past.” 

“ Yes, you might say we grew up together. Charlotte, I want you to know I truly wish you every happiness.”

“Thank you as I wish you the same, I must go now. This is only going to make matters worse.” She wanted him to be sure and know they can’t do this. She wanted to tell him this has to be the last time, the last conversation between them. 

Stepping closer, he took her arm then held her close, kissing her with passion before he heard Mr. Parker, Mr. Parker, Sidney she demanded.

Blinking his eyes, two, three times he knows his world has come undone. 

He hadn’t kissed her; he was remembering what once was.

She fled back to the ballroom where she sat with Mary who knew she had talked to Sidney. 

Taking her hand, Mary just squeezed lightly telling her she hoped she was alright. Mary left to dance again and Esther made her way over. Esther's chocolate brown gown fit her perfectly, her neck adored with diamonds, a gift from her husband. She was an impressive Lady.

“Charlotte, I don’t know everything but I do think I see the pain in your and Sidney’s eyes. Aunt told me a few days ago that it's better to be loved then it is to love.” Sometimes that’s how life is and we must accept it.

“Why would she say that?” Seemed an odd confession from the older lady 

“Seems in her younger years she loved someone that only kept her dangling and then she felt the sting of pain. I have to admit in the beginning I knew Lord Babington surely loved me more than I did him. In time that changed, now I think I love him the most. The heart is a funny thing and feelings can change in the matter of a day.”

__

It was late when Charlotte got home to Trafalgar house. She knew she would not be able to sleep, what little sleep she got was fretful and full of bad dreams. She decided to write Susan. She certainly would know what to do. 

\-------------------------------------

_ Dear Susan, _

_ I write to you tonight with thoughts I can not share with anyone else. You know of the engagement of Mr. Sidney Parker and Mrs. Eliza Champion.  _

_ I feel certain death would have been a better solution. With death there is no hope of a reunion but the way it is I can’t stop hoping. Hoping something will happen and Sidney will be free. I know this is wrong but I can’t help it, I can’t get past this horrible feeling of despair. The race has been run and I lost. Please tell me what I must do to rid myself of the sorrow.  _

_ Mary helped me with a new ball gown, it was beautiful, a dusty rose color and I danced with several gentlemen. Mr. Tom Parker introduced me to a couple of visitors. One was a Lord John Spencer. He was strikingly handsome and very cordial. I kept thinking he was Sidney. _

_ I think I see Sidney, smell him and hear his voice. I fear I’m going mad. Looking forward to your expert instruction as I’m sure you will have the best advice. _

_ Yours Truly  _

_ Charlotte  _

_ \------------------------------------ _

Susan received the letter and read it twice over. She is never wrong about matters of the heart. She knew Sidney and Charlotte’s hearts belonged together but she didn’t know about Mrs. Campion’s intentions and she had just learned of Tom’s financial issues that caused all this distress. She did know the Spencer family and thought well of them. She would have to gather some information concerning Mrs. Campion. Meanwhile Charlotte would need to try to put him from her mind.

Susan knew that Mrs. Campion’s first marriage was nothing more than a business arraignment, there was no love or affection there. Apparently she never stopped thinking of Sidney and saw her chance to have him back. After all it had been 10 years and he never married, surely he was waiting for her as she was waiting for him. This could be difficult to remedy. 

Eliza received an invitation from Lady Susan. How exciting she thought.

Being elegant as she was and the wealthiest widow in the land then associated with Lady Susan it would help her back into society.

Eliza arrived at Lady Susan’s the next day promptly at 2PM, ready for tea.

She was shown into the parlor where Lady Susan was ready to greet her.

“Please sit and I’ll ring for tea.” 

“Thank You, I must say I wasn’t expecting an invitation from you.”

“I’m happy you had time to visit with me,” Susan sat in her favorite chair, the fireplace aglow warming the room. Bits and pieces of her life scattered about, comfortable and elegant as Susan herself.

The tea was delivered and poured for the two ladies, they smiled at each other, Eliza remembering Susan’s smirk at the Regatta, she was a bit on edge.

  
  


Eliza dressed in only the latest fashion, her hair perfectly arranged. Jewelry to match finished the look, a woman of wealth indeed. 

“Now, do tell me of your upcoming wedding.” Susan’s interest was apparent and somewhat vexing to say the least.

I’m so exhausted with planning. We still have to set the date and I’m thinking June before it gets too hot.” 

“I see, and if you don’t mind me asking how did this come about ?”

“Sidney was here in London trying to help his brother from financial ruin and when I heard of the need I made an offer and he accepted. You know we were engaged 10 years ago and I’m available now so it just made perfect sense. Now that I’ve found him it’s hard to let him out of my sight.”  A little smirk on her face, she had what she wanted.

“And so you offered him money in exchange for his life? It’s almost like being a slave or being in prison, don’t you agree ?” Lady Susan was confident with her question she knew it to be true. The sound of her voice was kind, not trying to be hurtful.  “In fact that is how you lived with Mr. Champion, I believe that to be the truth, wouldn’t you say?” Lady Susan cut politely to the point making sure Eliza understood.

“10 years and Sidney is a handsome man, he has not married so he surely was waiting for me.” Eliza was sure of it and she wanted to believe it to be true.

Susan let out a long breath, she couldn’t really blame Eliza for going after him but it was apparent Eliza knew nothing of Charlotte.

“I think you should know that Mr. Parker had just realized he was in love with another. Did you not know ? Countered Susan, her smile polite not wanting to offend. 

“I don’t know anything about that. Are you certain?” Eliza responded she didn’t want this news to be true. 

“Yes dear, I am most certain. Does this information change your mind in any way ?” 

“I can’t say it does, Sidney didn’t say anything about it.”

“ Did he say he was still in love with you ?” Susan remained kind with her words. No need to cause undue pain where Eliza was concerned. 

Eliza huffed up a bit. “It matters not. He needs money and I want him so it’s a good business arraignment. Wouldn’t you agree ?”

“Actually, I don’t agree.” Susan was firm with her reply. Wanting to help if possible but it wasn’t going to make a difference.

“I’ve taken up much of your time, I’ll be on my way and I do thank you for the lovely afternoon.” Eliza wanted out of there and didn’t want to answer any more questions. 

She had money, Sidney needed it, problem solved. In her mind there was no problem. In the back of her mind she did think how Sidney was so hurt by her passing him over but he got over it, Oh no maybe he got over loving her too. She hadn’t thought of that. Well never mind, she thought it’s what I want.

=============================

Mary was busy with the cook, making sure everything was in order for dinner. Sidney was still in town and Tom had invited him too. Sidney didn’t know Lord Spencer would be there but he did think it another chance to see Charlotte.

Sidney arrived a little early, he and Tom needed to go over some of the debts Tom owed. They went to the study and shut the door. Sidney wasn’t in the best mood for this but he had to know everything if he was to save Tom from debtors prison. Tom poured them each a drink. 

Mary could hear raised voices from time to time. She was starting to know some of the trouble they were in. What Tom had caused. She knew what Sidney was giving up to save her and the children.

Mary and Charlotte were sitting in the parlor when Lord Spencer was shown in. The ladies stood and greeted him, he bowed and took Charlotte's hand placing a kiss on the back of it then the same for Mary. 

The three sat down to visit while waiting on Tom and Sidney.

The nanny had fed the children and showed them into the parlor to say hello. The little ones always went to Charlotte and she would hold each one and kiss them on the cheek. They loved her and she loved them. Lord Spencer noticed, and thought it endearing how she was with them. 

“Charlotte, you are very good with the children,” he couldn’t help but say.

“I’m the oldest of 12, so I’ve had a lot of experience.” she smiled handing the last child to the nanny.

“I can understand,” and it gave him cause to think about having his own family and possibly with a woman like Charlotte, glimpses of the sight were dancing around his mind. Her day dress was rather simple; she still looked becoming to him. His heart would pound just at the sight of her.

Nanny took the children to the playroom and the adults waited for Tom.

Lord Spencer and Charlotte had no idea Sidney would be there too.

They could hear Tom coming down the hall, Sidney close behind.

Sidney was stunned to see John there. What was he doing there anyway ?

They spoke to each other just to be polite. Sidney gave Mary a hug and looked at Charlotte saying good evening. Again John could see some tension between Charlotte and Sidney, something about the way they looked at each other or didn’t look.

The dinner conversation was uneasy at times, Tom filled in the silence with talk about Sanditon. Sidney was set across the table from Charlotte and each time he looked up he would be looking right at her. His hands sweat and he felt his pulse rise. 

Lord Spencer sat on one side of her. Tom and Mary at each end of the table. All Charlotte could do was push her food around and focus on her plate. She could not, would not look up at him. That uneasy feeling spread through her body. Sidney did ask about her family and if she had been sea bathing forgetting it was starting to be the cool time of year. She remembered seeing him coming out of the water naked and the blush spread down her neck.

Sidney knew exactly what she was thinking and the memory flooded his mind. Remembering that day and how startled she was. He would have laughed if he had been alone. She asked him how he was getting on in London and if they planned to live there after they married. He didn’t know because they had not yet talked about it. 

Lord Spencer thought that was odd that an engaged couple would not have discussed where they wanted to make their home once married. 

Tom mentioned how the Regatta was a big success due to Charlotte’s friendship with Lady Susan. Lord Spencer knew Lady Susan too so they had that in common. After their meal the three men retired to the study for an evening drink while Mary and Charlotte went to the parlor. 

“So John, tell me what are you doing back in Sanditon,” Sidney asked as he found himself almost feeling relaxed, now dinner was over and he didn’t have to see her.

“I’ve heard news about how it’s trying to grow and was thinking of an investment here. You know it’s home to me?” 

At that news Tom was all about butting in. 

“ Yes, of course John, this would be a wonderful investment for someone in your position. Like being back home. I say what luck for you. We did have an unfortunate fire and are working to recover, well Sidney is working to recover but another investment would be most welcome. Don’t you agree Sidney ?”

“Yes, of course,” but Sidney kept his eyes on the floor; this was the man that had her on his arm. A man free to see her to court her if he wanted.

“While we are here, Tom, I wanted to ask you something. I wanted to know if I might have your permission to call on Miss Haywood ?” 

Sidney almost fell out of his chair. Then took a gulp of his whiskey.

“What ?” Sidney was stunned. 

Tom and John looked at Sidney, “excuse me” John said a first small frown shown on his forehead.

“I was just surprised, that’s all. I thought you only met last night at the ball.”

“Well yes, but she is such an exquisite young lady and she gave me permission to ask Tom.”

Sidney could see it all now. He would marry Eliza and live at Bedford Place in London, Eliza could live wherever she wanted, he didn’t have to sleep with her. Charlotte would marry John, he would pay off the debts and they would live in Sanditon happily ever after. This was his nightmare but he was awake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You for supporting my new hobby. I love it and will keep trying to do a good job.


	3. Surprise !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte receives an unusual gift.  
> Then makes a decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday so I thought you might like another chapter.
> 
> It’s as simple and as complicated as that.” 
> 
> Do have a good weekend wherever you are.

Tom excused himself, saying he would be right back. He made his way quickly to the parlor where Mary and Charlotte sat. 

“Ladies, could I have a moment ? Lord Spencer has asked permission to call on you Charlotte. Do you approve?”

“Yes, I told him last night to ask your permission.” I see no harm in making a new acquaintance. Would you agree Mary ?”

“ I think Charlotte and John could have a lot in common. He’s a fine young man from a foremost family. Don’t you agree Tom ?” 

“Yes, yes of course dear, I’ll take care of it right away.” Tom hurried back to his study where the two men sat in just uncomfortable silence.

“John, it seems you are correct and now have my permission to call on our dear Charlotte.”

Sidney couldn’t speak of it, he just had another drink. How else is he going to deal with this turn of events. He knew once he was out of her life there would be others pursuing her. Yes, she was an extraordinary young lady.

He truly wished her every happiness but didn’t realize how much it would cost him in pain. 

It was hard to know who felt the most pain or maybe the pain was equal. Sidney had shut himself off for so many years then he met Charlotte and all that changed. He would be angry with her then he would be sorry, he would feel every emotion there was. He tried to not fall in love with her but there was no way he could help himself. Then he kissed her on the cliff tops and she returned his feelings, he felt it, held on to the feeling that he was a changed man. He wanted to be his best self, his truest self when he was with her. 

“John,” Tom was saying. “What sort of investment were you thinking of here in Sanditon ?”

“Why don’t you explain about the fire and the funds you're trying to raise.”

Sidney sat quietly, anxious to hear how Tom was going to explain his miserable errors.

Tom began telling about Lady Denham being the great lady of the town. On and on he went. Told about what had been built and what they were still to build, how her investment supported all that. Finally Sidney couldn’t listen to any more and he interrupted.

“John, the truth is my brother is bankrupt. He failed to pay the insurance and when the fire happened all was lost. Lady D wants her money back and there is no money to repay her. She gave us a week to secure other financing. I went to London but was turned away at every door. You may know of Eliza Campion ? I was engaged to her 10 years ago.”

He went on. "While I was in London she heard of my plight and asked to meet with me. She offered to pay the $80,000 in return I am to marry her. 

It’s as simple and as complicated as that.” 

“I see,” John shuffled around in his chair. “This is a lot to think about. So you actually have the funds now or will once married ? I must ask, what is the complication of it ?” 

“Well, to start I no longer love Mrs. Campion. You see she passed me over all those years ago for wealth and in time I lost all feelings for her. Seems she never forgot her feelings for me.” 

“I still don’t see what complicates the marriage. Possibly in time you will return her feelings.”

Shifting in his chair and taking a gulp of the whiskey, Sidney looked at John square in the face,” I love another” his voice low with the hint of regret.

“Well then, I see how that could be a problem. Maybe tomorrow we can take a walk and survey what needs to be done,” John added.

“Excellent idea, yes indeed that’s what we need to do. Come around in the morning and we’ll survey the construction.” Tom was excited at the prospect.

Standing as if leaving John asked to see the ladies so he could wish them a goodnight. Then he would be on his way.

“Yes, of course,” Tom showed him into the parlor.

Lord Spencer thanked Mary for a delicious meal, then looked at Charlotte saying until tomorrow then bowed to both ladies and was gone.

Sidney had another drink then he too left but didn’t say anything to the ladies. He couldn’t even think. As soon as he was at the Crown he got a full bottle and settled down with Mr. Crow and Lord Babington. He wasn’t in a very good mood and both men were aware something was amiss. 

“I say olé boy,” Babbers patted him on the back.” You don’t seem to be taking too kindly to your engagement. I’ve known you a long time and I can always tell when something is out of sorts.”

Sidney didn’t want to talk about it, if he started he wouldn’t be able to stop. Everything he felt would come pouring out so he just drank. About 2 bottles in he did start to talk. He told them everything. Why he had to engage himself with Eliza, they already knew the past history with her. How he had come to love Charlotte. Babbers wasn’t really surprised about Charlotte. 

And now Lord John Spencer wants to call on her. The longer he talked the more angry he got and the more he drank the drunker he was. Finally Babbers had to haul him to his room to sleep it off.

\---------------------------------

While her heart is fragile she has to stay strong. Maybe Lady D is right. Right about everything. Imagine what she could do if she tried harder. It’s not ladylike or the kind of person she has been but she can feel her heart harden. Yes, that’s what she will do, just not care so much. No one needs to know what she thinks or how she really feels. 

Mr. Sidney Parker is engaged to Mrs. Eliza Campion, a business arrangement that is for the welfare of his family. He did say he didn’t love her and if that be the case he will also be letting his heart become hardened as it was when they first met. 

In a way maybe she is free now of her own sentiment. Yes, that’s it, is his heart broken or just hardened. She can do it too. They will live apart with matching hearts. Broken or hardened matters not, it’s just the way things are.

\------------------------------------

  
  


“Miss Haywood, you have a visitor,” the butler notified. 

Surprised by the announcement she asked they be shown in.

Standing up to see who would want to see her, it was Lord Spencer.

Mary heard them speak and she joined them in the parlor so to be her chaperone.

“Lord Spencer,” how nice to see you,” said Mary as she offered him her hand. 

Lord Spencer was to meet with Tom and Sidney but first he wanted to speak to the ladies.

They all sat down and Mary rang for tea to be served. Knowing he wasn’t there to see her she wondered what was the nature of his visit. Lord Spencer asked about their welfare, smiling at Charlotte the whole while. Even when in conversation with Mary his eyes would drift to Charlotte.

Blushing each time she noticed his attention she said very little. 

“I wanted to ask if I might hire Miss Haywood, a ladies' maid ?” 

The women were quite surprised by this admission asking why, what was the purpose ? 

“If I’m allowed to call on Miss Haywood she is required to have the proper chaperone. ‘I know you Mrs. Parker are busy with your household and children and I thought it the least I could do to be of service. If it’s acceptable we will arrange some interviews and Miss Haywood could select someone of her liking.”

His smile was warm and caring. Today he dressed all in black, but the blue of his eyes would draw a person to him. A mature man only a few years older than Charlotte, he was unique.

The women were quite shocked by Lord Spencer's offer. He must be serious about wanting to call on Charlotte and not have to worry about harm coming to her reputation. It was most gentlemanly of him. 

“Charlotte, are you alright with Lord Spencer's offer ?” 

“ I am indeed however I must admit I don’t feel I deserve such a luxury.”

“I can assure you Miss Haywood, my feelings will only grow and you deserve anything I am able to provide.” John’s gaze overtook her.

“ Ladies, if this is now acceptable I’ll make the arrangements for interviews and will send word as soon as I have prospects. I’ll take my leave now.

Good Day.” Getting his hat and cane he left saying he would contact them soon.

Tom was waiting in his study then he and John left in John’s carriage with plans to meet Sidney at the building site. 

  
  


After giving this much thought Charlotte knew what she had to do. It’s better to be loved than to love. She kept that thought going through her mind, hoping at some point she would believe it to be true.

Both ladies sat speechless as they pondered this news. Lord Spencer must be quite taken with Charlotte to offer such an expense. Feeling nervous, Charlotte got up and started to pace the room. She had to think, had to understand what all this could mean and how she would deal with it. Sidney could not be part of these thoughts she had to think about herself and what would be best for her. Yes she could do that.

_ \-------------------------------------------- _

The next morning she found she had a letter from Lady Susan. She made her way to her room not knowing if the words would bring tears it was best to be alone.

=====================

_ My Dearest Charlotte, _

_ How I long to be with you and comfort you in this time of heartbreak.  _

_ I know I told you not to despair as the race was not yet run. I fear I may have spoken in haste.  _

_ I did visit with Mrs. Campion and told her of Mr. Parker's love for you but it made her no difference. If he is to keep his brother out of debtors prison and his wife and children safe he must do the unthinkable.  _

_Mrs._ _ Campion will not invest without his promise of marriage. I don’t have other means to help find the funds required. It saddens me to admit I may have spoken too soon. _

_ I know I was not wrong in my assumption that you and Mr. Parker belong together, however sometimes the right thing is just not meant to be. _

_ I do know Lord John Spencer, a fine young man of considerable wealth and discernment.  _

_ My advice would be to enjoy his company if he offers.  _

_ You are young and with time your feelings could change, they often do. _

_ Life goes on and so will you, I beseech you to enjoy and accept what is offered. _

_ Yours Truly  _

_ Susan  _

===============================

Charlotte put Susan's post away, she would read it again and again until she felt she fully understood what she was being told. She was not to have a life with Sidney that much she knew it was the acceptance of it she needed to realize. 

Lord Spencer has shown great intrigue in her and he was to be appreciated. Hiring her a ladies maid to make sure her reputation should not come into question. Very chivalrous of him indeed.

Charlotte would spend time thinking about what she should do. She knew Mr. Sidney Parker was not to be part of her life. She would have to see him from time to time and maybe it would be best to show her best self, not let him know how much he hurt her how much she ached for him. Yes that’s it, she needed to show a contented young woman. Yes, that’s it. She would write Susan back and reveal the news. Charlotte Haywood would be well and content. If not truly on the inside she could pretend on the outside. Yes act the part, it was a revelation.

Still her sleep was rudely interrupted with unimaginable dreams. Those were the only thoughts she had no control of. They came in the night, a thief stealing her resolve to be her best self. She often sat on the bench in front of the window, late at night in the dark waiting for the sun to rise and a new day to come, bringing with it new thoughts of what was to come.

Thoughts of what was or could have been had to be put away.

The next morning a message was received that the first of her interviews was set for the following morning at 10AM. Then another at 1PM and finally another at 3PM. She returned a message to Lord Spencer saying these times were agreeable and thanking him for his concern. 

The rest of the day she would think how to reply to Lady Susan. Let her know what had been decided, how she was to get on with her life.

\----------------------------------

The following day at precisely 10AM the butler opened the door for Miss Elsie Smith. Mary sat in on the interview as Charlotte had no experience with this sort of thing. Miss Smith was more of a motherly older woman quite experienced with dress style and hair. They talked at length then Miss Smith was excused telling her someone would contact her should she get the position. 1PM the next lady arrived, Miss Hattie Taylor, a fine looking young lady just some older than Charlotte. Miss Taylor also seemed to know styles of dress and the art of arranging hair. Charlotte liked Hattie right away but they finished the interview telling her she would be notified when a decision was reached. After a short rest the finally lady arrived at the appointed time. Miss Julia Williams was also an older lady well versed in the duties of lady maid. The interview went on at length and they also let her know she would be notified if chosen. 

  
  


Charlotte and Mary discussed the ladies and both picked Hattie Taylor.

A message was sent to Lord Spencer advising him of their choice. Miss Hattie could come the next day if that was agreeable. 

Mary and Tom did have one extra servant room for Hattie to stay and it was all taken care of. While Charlotte didn’t feel she really needed help with her clothes or hair it would be nice to enjoy her company. Then also be chaperoned if Lord Spencer did call. 

  
  


The next day Hattie was there at 8AM, Charlotte was already up and dressed for the day. She showed Hattie around and introduced her to the others living in the house. Hattie was insistent she pin Charlotte's hair up, in a more fashionable style. The two went to Charlotte’s room so Hattie would show what she could do, so many arrangements that were becoming of a young lady. 

Just after lunch was finished Lord Spencer was shown in, he had come to see if Miss Charlotte would enjoy a walk. The sun was nicely out and only a slight breeze shifting the sea air inland. Hattie would follow, allowing some distance behind them so they would be able to talk and get to know each other. 

He was a very handsome man, tall, well built in his shoulders and arms. He was kind and he seemed to smile most of the time. He was polite and very much a gentleman. He spoke of his education, his homes and estates. Not bragging of course just talked about what he knew. 

Charlotte spent time talking about her fathers farm estate and her many siblings, she was especially enthused about her parents enjoying love and affection in the home. Their stroll took them to the shore of the sea where they gazed out at the wonderment of it all. 

“May I call you by your given name when we are alone,” he took her hand to kiss the top of it and looked steadily in her eyes. 

She smiled at him, “ yes please do, may I call you John when no one can hear us ?” 

He bowed and and pointed back towards town, “Very well, that has been decided.” His eyes almost twinkled and his smile was most pleasant. 

She took his arm, Hattie following behind. Charlotte had almost forgotten she was all but in mourning. John brought new feelings and thoughts. She really liked him.

Once back in her room and alone she wrote Lady Susan explaining her resolve to be her best self. 

====================================

_ Dear Susan,  _

_ I’ve received your letter and have read it many times. I am of a mind to accept what is offered to me. I’ve had a revelation to be my best self under any and all circumstances. I will be content and well, clear my mind of thoughts that only brings pain and hurt. It is of no use. _

_ Lady Denham insists it is better to be loved than to love and that it seems to be good counsel. _

_ Lord Spencer has hired a ladies maid for me. We interviewed 3 ladies and chose Miss Hattie Taylor. She will also act as my chaperone when Lord Spencer calls on me. Which he already has. We took a nice walk to the sea and discussed our lives. Really I found him quite refreshing. He is honest and kind, a gentleman and rather handsome. I was able to forget for a while the trouble that seems to follow me around. I trust in time my mind will clear and my heart will open to new adventures.  _

_ Warmest Regards  _

_ Charlotte  _

=====================

After a better night's sleep Charlotte woke later than usual, the sound of children scampering down the hall. She was young and still had time to marry and be a mother, it was much on her mind. She had allowed herself these thoughts weeks ago and now she was trying to forget allowing only new thoughts into her imagination.

A knock at her door was Miss Hattie ready to dress her for the day and she had a message that had just arrived. Opening the paper it was from Lord Spencer awaiting a replay if she would accompany him for a carriage ride in the afternoon. 

She sat down quickly to answer with a reply that she would be looking forward to accompanying him. Asking Hattie to see it was delivered.

=========================

Lord Spence had spent the morning with Tom and Sidney walking about the town inspecting what had been done and what still needed attention.

Lord Spence could see the value in restoring the town and made an offer.

“I will pay Lady Denham the $40,000 then I will buy the empty Parker house close to the cliffs if you will accept $40,00 for it. A total of $80,000 is that not what you needed ? 

Tom was speechless and Sidney realized he would not have to marry Eliza, they would not need her money. He was starting to feel great relief until he heard Lord Spencer's plans. 

“I would like to have a home here and spend some months, I plan to have a wife and start a family.”

“ Do you have a woman in mind for this venture?” Sidney thought he already knew and felt the blood drain from his body. 

“If Miss Haywood will have me and after we spend more time together I plan on asking for her hand.” The look on his face told Sidney how serious he was. Sidney needed a drink, maybe lots of drinks.

Still there was nothing he could do. Maybe Charlotte would not accept him. He had no way of knowing. Sidney just knew he needed to go back to London and see to it that Eliza would let him out of their engagement. Even if he couldn’t have Charlotte he didn’t love Eliza and didn’t want to spend a single day with her.

Lord Spencer also did not want Tom to be in control of the money and asked Sidney if he could take over that part of the reconstruction. In other words Sidney would work for Lord Spencer. It would be a challenge as Sidney had his own business in London but he agreed to the arraignment.

===========================

The carriage ride out to the old Parker home was quiet. It was where Tom and the others had grown up. It had been setting empty for quite some time with only a caretaker living in the back. 

Tom had built Trafalgar house in town, Sidney lived in London’s Bedford Place while Arthur and Diana lived comfortably in one of the spacious apartments in town. 

Lord Spencer had great plans for the home. It only needed some freshening up and the garden was in need of care. The location was perfect, with a sight of the sea and the clifftops were in view. The large stone house sprawled out across the yard with vines overtaking one end.

Big windows would allow a spacious view to whoever was inside.

As soon as the men were back in town Sidney excused himself explaining he must go back to London and attend to some business. 

Sidney was pained to think Lord John Spencer would own his childhood home. Then to think one day Charlotte might be the lady of the house and he couldn’t be there. He had to quit thinking about her, he knew all about a broken heart and how to live with it, after all he had done it for years.

Tom and John returned to Trafalgar house in time for luncheon. 

John’s plan was to take Charlotte out to the property and see what she thought of it. It was entirely too soon to be completely sure but he hoped in a few months she would share his feelings of affection.

Lunch was finished and John asked Charlotte if she was ready for their afternoon outing.

“Yes, just give me a moment to get my shawl and let Hattie know we are leaving,” she made her way up the stairs. She smoothed out her skirt and Hattie attended her hair. She was a proper young lady and looked forward to an afternoon out with John.

It was a strange feeling, she really did like Lord Spencer and maybe some day she could feel more affection towards him. He had so much to offer, wealth, a title, she would just have to wait and see where her feelings took her. It is better to be loved than to love. This was something she mumbled to herself every day. It seemed impossible to love again, not like the first time, just putting the thought away she was ready for the afternoon.

The 3 of them sat in the carriage, Charlotte wondering where they were going. She and Lord Spencer sat on the same bench and Hattie sat on the other side. They only talked of trivial things, nothing of importance. Once the carriage arrived at the house Lord Spencer helped the ladies out and stood beside them smiling at the house he was about to purchase. He knew the home well, as a young man he had been there often to visit with Tom and Sidney. He had always thought he would like to live there and now he could.

“Charlotte, what do you think of this house?” he asked as he started to lead her to the front door.

Mr. Johnson the caretaker met them at the door and ushered them inside. He had a nice fire going to warm the main room and show the beauty of it.

“Joh, Lord Spencer, why are we looking at this house ?” She turned to look at him, a puzzled look on her face.

  
  


“I’m buying it from the Parkers,” he walked around the room remembering what it used to look like. Only a few pieces of furniture remained.

“I don’t suppose I knew this was a Parker home,” she glanced around the room to see if anything remained that would remind her of the Parkers.

Mr. Johnson showed them the rest of the house, it was well built, 2 story with high ceilings, lavish woodwork, a parlor, great room, study, dining room, kitchen down stairs and living quarters in the back for the help. 

Upstairs were 4 large bedrooms, two master rooms divided by a dressing room.

“Of course I’ll have to go to London and order new furnishings.” He spoke quietly as if he didn’t want to be heard.

They looked at every room, then inspected the garden and it was in need of work. A barn was also at the edge of the yard where animals used to live. A place for the horses, carriages would be kept there and living quarters upstairs for the groom. Vines had overtaken it but it could be brought back to its full beauty. 

“It’s a fine looking house, I just didn’t know you planned on staying here so long.”

“At first I wasn’t but an opportunity has come along and changed my way of thinking.” John also thought he was helping Sidney, now he wouldn’t have to marry a woman he was no longer loved.

Lord Spencer explained he was to buy the house, pay Lady Denham back her investment then Sidney was to handle the financing relieving Tom from further errors.

“But I thought Sidn, Mr. Parker was going to live in London, he does already spend most of his time there.” 

“It’s odd about Sidney, says he doesn’t know where he will live with Mrs. Campion but he will be able to handle the expenses here, I think it will only require him to be here once a month,” he was saying as he walked the ladies back to the carriage. 

After a nice afternoon John returned the ladies back to Trafalgar house. Now he was going to London and purchase furnishings for the house and secure the needed funds. 

If things went like he wanted he would be able to ask Charlotte for her hand in marriage in a few months. His heart would swell every time he saw her. Her smile was warm and endearing. He was sure he would understand more about her in time. He already loved to look at her, small in stature , big brown expressive eyes, dark shiny hair. He couldn’t quite know her fragrance but it made him feel things he had never felt before. 

\----------------------------------

Lady Susan reached for Charlotte's letter hoping the news would be good, hopefully better than the first letter. Carefully opening the fine paper she found a seat by the fire, took a glass of sherry and inhaled a deep breath.

After reading the letter she knew Charlotte was going to be alright. She would accept what is offered and that’s all that can be done. 

Sending a message to Lord Spencer's home in London Susan asked to see him once he arrived. She also wanted to speak to Sidney , she worried about him as well. She wrote a note and asked it be delivered the same day. She didn’t know where these men were but she knew they would each be back in London at some point. So many questions to be asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and leaving comments.


	4. Feeling Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some have had to make room in their heart for more than one love.  
> Whether it be a husband, wife, child or parent. There is room.

Back in London at Bedford Place messages were waiting for Sidney’s attention. Some were of his business, and he raffled through them writing replies as needed. Laying aside were two letters one from Eliza and another from Lady Susan. They would be the most important and Lady Susan’s was first to be opened. She requested him to call on her when he returned. He wrote back saying he would be there the next day in the afternoon. Eliza’s message was simply telling him she would be gone for a few weeks, she had gone to her cousin's estate in the country but would let him know when she returned. 

“Damn it,” he said out loud, “where in the hell had she gone?” He wanted to see her and end the engagement before things got completely out of hand. There was no way for him to know exactly where she went. He would just have to wait.

The following day he knocked on Lady Susan’s door and was ushered in. She sat in the parlor enjoying the heat from the fire, she wasn’t really sure what she wanted to know other than how he was. 

“Lady Susan,” as he bowed. 

“Just Susan will do, please sit with me by the fire,” pointing to the chair across from her. 

Taking his seat “I’m curious why you wanted to see me ?” 

“I trust you’re well ? She said to start the conversation. 

Still with a question on his face, ”yes I’m well thank you.”

“I don’t really know, I worry about Charlotte and that brings me to you. Have you seen her ?”

Not being able to look at Susan as he answered, the memories were fresh in his mind. “Yes, I saw her at the Ball last week then again at my brothers house.”

“I trust she seemed well ?” 

“Yes, she did.”

“I received a letter from her, she claims to be content with her life, to go on and enjoy what is offered to her. Do you know what she meant by that ?”

“Yes, I’m afraid I do. She has met Lord John Spencer and while I’m sure she doesn’t know he is planning on asking for her hand.” He spoke so low Susan could hardly hear him.

“And what will you do ?” 

“There is nothing I can do. Eliza is out of town, I’m planning to persuade her to let me out of the engagement. Lord Spencer is paying the needed funds to get Tom out of debt then I’m to control the money. We’ve sold the Parker family home to him and he’s paying Lady Denham her share. In the end you might say I’ll be working for him.”

“Seems he has come at a crucial time. How do you feel about him asking for Charlotte’s hand ?”

Sidney rolled his eyes and twisted his head from side to side. “ I’m distraught with the prospect.” 

Looking at Sidney like he was a child, “ But he is paying all this without knowing if Charlotte will have him ?”

“Yes, seems so.” Standing to lean on the fireplace mantel, one hand on his hip.

“ Yes, says the place is home to him, which I suppose it is. We actually grew up together.” Quietly he says “ He has always been a good sort.”

“And if Mrs. Campion won’t release you, what will you do ?”

“I’ll refuse to set a date for the rest of my life. Eventually she will give up.”

“I take it you’ll be staying in London for a while, waiting for Eliza to return ?” 

“ Yes, I’ll have to wait, “ he sat back down.

“Do keep me informed, I’m just regretful there isn’t more I can do to help.”

Sidney bid her good day and left for Bedford Place. He was tired and still had business matters to attend. Maybe he can just stay busy and not think of it. Charlotte, dear Charlotte she was on his mind and in his heart always. He would carry the thoughts of her with him no matter where or how long. 

\-------------------------------

Lord Spencer arrived at his London home, finding a message from Lady Susan. Sending her a replay that he could see her the next day in the morning. His main focus was to buy furnishings and arrange delivery to Sanditon.

It had been a long time since he had seen or talked to Lady Susan and had no idea what she might want. He made his way the next morning, curious about their meeting. 

Susan sat in her favorite chair by the fire when Lord Spencer was announced. She asked for tea to be served then John sat across from her.

“How nice of you to come,” her expression was calm. 

Tea was served, Susan asked after his family, everything was well.

“I’m curious,” his smile was almost always present.

“I understand you have come to know Miss Charlotte Haywood.”

“Yes, and how did you learn of that ?” 

“She is a dear friend of mine and mentioned you in a letter I received.”

“Did she?” He was pleased to hear it.

“I understand you’ve hired a ladies maid for her.” 

“Indeed I have, I wanted to be sure her reputation would not be questioned when I called on her so it seemed fitting I help out in that regard.” 

Getting to the point, "What are your intentions. ? Susan set up forward in her chair. 

“I can’t really say right now, we’ve spent very little time together and I’m sure we still have a lot to learn about each other.” 

Susan began, "I can tell you she is an exceptional young lady, not only to look at but smart and witty, a joy to know and spend time with. She is not your average London lady just sewing and painting. She grew up on a farm. Still she is naturally refined.”

“I was taken with her right away.” A broad smile across his face his intentions obvious.

His memory of her small frame sitting with him in the carriage, just being close to her he knew his feelings for her were true.

“ I only hope you don’t rush her into anything.”

“Of Course not. I’m here to purchase furnishings for the house I’ve bought from the Parkers then I’ll be back in Sanditon to oversee the delivery. 

“I pray you will be gentle with her, like I said she is my dearest friend and I only wish her happiness.” 

“I understand, I assure you I will take care to be kind. Tell me do you also know her family ?” 

“I'm sorry to say I don’t. But they must be fine people to raise an exceptional young women like Charlotte.” She stood from her seat. “When are you returning to Sanditon ?”

  
  


“As soon as I find the furniture, maybe 2 days time.”

“I’ll write to Charlotte and let her know we had this meeting.”

“If that is all,” he said, “I’ll leave now still a lot to do yet today.”

They said goodbye and John left, hunting for furniture would take all day.

He felt he wanted back where Charlotte was, he already missed seeing her.

\--------------------------------------

Lunch was over and a post was delivered for Charlotte. Delighted, to see It was from Lady Susan she took it to her room. 

_ My Dearest Charlotte, _

_ I hope this finds you well. I want you to know I’ve had a visit with Mr. Sidney Parker. He is waiting for Mrs. Campion’s return from her cousin's country estate so he can persuade her to let him out of the engagement. I don’t know for sure but I don’t think that she will be agreeable. He did say he would put off the date of the wedding for the rest of his life as he has no wish to marry her. _

_ He also told me Lord John Spencer is paying the debt owed to Lady Denham and buying the Parker family home. The Parkers will survive the financial errors of Mr. Tom Parker. However Sidney may still be trapped.  _

_ I also had a chat with Lord John Spencer. He is quite taken with you as we all are. I only asked him to be gentle with you and he assured me he would. _

_ Do be careful dear child and write if you have news or need council. _

_ Yours Truly _

_ Susan _

\------------------------------------------------ 

Charlotte had been in better spirits, she took walks with Mary and the children. Visited Georgiana. No one talked about Sidney and if she didn’t look at that painting she would have a good day. While she was still hurt, some days were better than others. Diana and Arthur were almost daily visitors. She and Georgiana would walk to see how the building repairs were going and visit with James Stringer. Even visits with Lady D were tolerable, she always had to hear instructions concerning marriage. 

\---------------------------------

Mary and Charlotte were shown into Lady D’s great room for afternoon tea.

“There you are, I have been waiting for your visit. Tell me all the news. Esther is gone and I’m left without knowing what is going on in my town.” 

Actually Tom had been there the day before Lord Spencer left for London and John assured her he would be back in a few days to make sure she was paid the money owed to her. This made her more accommodating but she realized she would no longer own the town. Her town as she thought of it. Never mind she was angry with Tom and wanted her investment back. Now she would have it in only a few days.

“I’m sure you know you can expect full payment of your investment ?” Mary was speaking.

“Yes, it’s about time too. I also heard something about Lord Spencer buying the old Parker home up by the clifftops. Is that correct ?”

“Yes, he offered a good sum, everything has been taken care of.” 

“So Mr. Tom will be back in business, I would worry about that. He can’t take care of anything so it seems.” Her almost cruel attitude was showing.

“Mr. Sidney Parker will take care of the finances from now on.” Mary replied.

“How will he do that and marry Mrs. Campion and live in London ? I presume he will live in London.” 

Charlotte had remained quiet but spoke up, “he will only have to come to Sanditon once a month.”

“I’m sure he will do a better job than his brother. Good then it seems to be settled. Now Miss Haywood I noticed you dancing with Lord Spencer at the ball last week. See, wealth and a title. What did I tell you about that ? “

I also heard you had a ladies maid, now how did that come about and why would you need such help?”

Mary spoke before Charlotte had a chance. “Lord Spencer asked if he could call on Charlotte and with my duties I wasn’t always available to chaperone and he didn’t want her reputation to be questioned so he arranged for help.”

“ Well, this sounds promising. “ Lady D stood to stretch her legs, walking over to Charlotte and taking a good look in her face.” I do notice your hair has been placed in a fine fashion. Very good. Now if you ladies don’t mind I need to lie down. Denton will see you out and she was gone to her room.

“ For someone who doesn’t know what’s going on seems she knows a lot,”  They both giggled at the thought.

_ \----------------------------------------- _

Two days time had passed and Lord Spencer was back from London. His furniture was to be delivered later in the day and he would be at the house to oversee the placement. Before he left he had hired a couple of house maids to clean and ready the house for the furniture. 

Out in the garden men worked to clean and replace shrubs, it was all coming together. He was going to live there and hired a groomsman to take care of his carriage and the horses. Every fine country home needed a dog so he asked the groomsman to find a dog they could keep on the property.  A nice collie would do or even a beagle. 

The ladies remained to clean and cook. Everything was in order and he was satisfied that he could show the place off to Charlotte.

Thinking about seeing her again he sent a message asking Mr. and Mrs. Parker along with Charlotte to come to luncheon on the following Saturday.

Realizing he couldn’t wait that long he made his way to Trafalgar house. The closer he got the more he knew he had to see Charlotte. Anticipating she would be there he hoped they could take a walk along the sea or to the clifftops. 

\------------------------------

It was a beautiful day, the Autumn season was close and Charlotte spent time that day playing with the children. 

“Charlotte, come to the parlor, Lord Spencer is here to see you.” Then Mary went to get Hattie. 

She entered the room slowly not sure what he wanted. Never would she suspect he just wanted to see her so soon. She was taking care of herself, her eyes were brighter, more color in her cheeks, Hattie kept her hair arraigned. She didn’t cry every day, she did still have some dreams that were disturbing but she was getting better. 

“Lord Spencer,” she curtsied and extended her hand.

He stood as she entered the room, he was mesmerized by her. Taking her hand he kissed the back of it and bowed.

“We just got your message about the Saturday luncheon.” 

“Very good,” he really didn’t know what to say. He can’t tell her he missed her and wanted to see her, he had to make sure she was well.

“I was hoping we could take a walk, if I’m not interrupting that is.”

“No, not at all, I’ll get my shawl and call for Hattie.” 

The three strolled along the sea shore towards the clifftops. Charlotte had not been back to the cliffs for weeks, the memories still seemed to be raw. Actually she didn’t even want to look at them. At least she wasn’t seeing Sidney everywhere or hearing him call her name.

“I can’t thank you enough for Hattie, she is so good to help me. I appreciate her so much.”

“I’m glad to help.” He wanted to take her hand, to just touch her. They touched when they danced and it seemed to him he should be able to touch her hand now. 

“I was wondering if I might take you to visit your family.” 

“My family, what would be the reason for that ? I don’t think I understand.”

He stopped and looked at her then he took her hand. Hattie could watch from a distance no one else was around to see. She was beautiful and he could not help himself. He had so much to offer her and hoped she would accept. 

Her name rolled off his tongue. “Miss Charlotte, I would like to meet your father and ask for his permission to court you. I want to be proper about everything.” Of course I would like your permission.” He chuckled, "I promised Lady Susan I would be gentle.” 

“John, we have only known each other a short time. Are you sure you're that interested in me ?” 

He had a beautiful smile and for a moment she thought of Sidney but back in reality John was a handsome man and so much to offer. 

John had the same problem Sidney did, at gatherings and balls the mothers of young women wanted their daughters married off to him. He had traveled and met many young ladies but none held his attention the way Charlotte did. If they discussed anything serious she was not shy about giving her opinion. She could challenge an idea she didn’t agree with. He knew he wanted to take care of her and be by her side the rest of his life.


	5. A Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte is happy as she moves on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidney is told the news.  
> He only wishes her every happiness.

Sidney stayed in London attending to his business. He wanted to go back to Sanditon but he couldn’t be gone when Eliza returned. He had to get out of that engagement. Actually he felt relieved she had passed him over all those years ago. He was sure he would not have been happy with her. It was a young man's infatuation. 

Charlotte was the love of his life. So far his life had been an unfortunate adventure. Eliza, followed by trouble then Antiqua, being a man carrying around a hardened heart being sure to not let anyone in and see who he really was. Drinking too much was of little help now, morning always came and she was there in his mind and his heart. 

Yes he only wished her every happiness he just didn’t know who it would be with. She would argue with him and he would yell at her but in the end it brought them together.

\------------------------------------

  
  
  
  


Lord Spencer didn’t know about the one time Charlotte had been kissed.

Even if he had known he would have overlooked it. He wanted to, no he needed to see her everyday. He wanted to be proper but finding it hard to be patient he made his way to the Haywood Estate in Willingden his mission was to be given permission to court Charlotte.

Lord Spencer found the home and was asked in. He explained he needed to speak to Mr. Haywood concerning his daughter Charlotte. It was a late afternoon and Mr Haywood was in his study working on his ledgers. Lord Spencer introduced himself and the two men shook hands. Please have a set Mr. Haywood remarked. Feeling unsure “ What can I help you with?” Mr. Haywood had a puzzled look on his face. “Is my Charlotte well?” 

“ Yes, indeed she is well. I’ve come to know her and am quite taken, I wanted to ask your permission to court her.” 

Startled at the request “Does she know you're here ?” 

“ She didn’t know what day I was coming but she knows my intentions.” 

“And what does she think ?” 

“She really didn’t say. I’m hoping she will be agreeable.” Lord Spencer remarked as he squirmed in his chair.

The two men talked at length, Mr. Haywood asking most of the questions. Lord Spencer answering each one with diligence. It was decided if Charlotte was in agreement Mr. Haywood would give his consent.

_ \--------------------------------- _

All the way back to Sanditon John just thought of her and how he would court her and eventually ask for her hand in marriage. The more he thought about her the more he knew one day she had to be his wife. All the young ladies he had met could not compare to her charm and beauty. 

_ \------------------------------------ _

Charlotte and the Parkers arrived at Lord Spencer's for Saturday lunch. The home was furnished with only the best. It was charming, nothing like Tom remembered from his youth. They inspected each room and remarked how lovely everything was. Lunch was served, John sitting at one end of the table and Charlotte next to him. Tom and Mary on the other side. John announced that he had already gone to see Charlotte's father and with her consent he had permission to court her. 

“And my father gave his blessing?” She repeated, the sound of shock in her reply.

John took her hand to hold in his, Mary and Tom looked at each other almost in disbelief . Only Mary knew the truth about Charlotte and Sidney but this could be what was best for Charlotte. “ Yes, I’m agreeable,” she whispered looking shyly at him but a smile he relished.

After lunch they went out to inspect the garden and the view of the sea. The cliff tops in the distance. 

“Oh this is lovely.” Charlotte smiled at John as she looked all about twisting her skirt in her hands.

Then she saw the clifftops and had to look away, as she turned away the color left her face. That is where Sidney had kissed her, she could almost see him standing there. 

“What is it ?” John felt something was wrong.

“I don’t really know what came over me,” it was her secret to keep.

\-------------------------------------

Sidney was still in London waiting for Eliza to return. The waiting could drive him to drink but he didn’t.

John spent almost every day calling on Charlotte. They talked and laughed enjoying each other's company and after months she and John took a walk without Hattie and he could not wait any longer he had to kiss her. Stopping and turning to face her. “Charlotte,” holding her hands, “may I kiss you ?” She looked in his eyes a steady gaze between them. “Yes”. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she realized she missed the feeling of being held, being kissed. 

She had grown very fond of him. The kiss was warm and tender. How she missed the feeling deep inside. Maybe she didn’t love John like she loved Sidney but he was a good man, that she couldn’t deny. 

He made her a proposal of marriage and she accepted. 

_ Accept what is offered. Better to be loved than to love.  _

She knew John loved her more than she loved him but she adored him in other ways. He was caring, always a gentleman so kind and understanding. Charlotte and John went to the Haywood home to consult with her parents. Of course they wanted the banns read at their parish and a small country wedding. John would agree to anything they wanted. His family was traveling the continent and he wasn’t going to wait for them to return. Feeling in a hurry to have Charlotte be his bride the banns were to be read for 3 weeks. 

John took her and Hattie to London and she found her wedding dress. The dress had a fitted bodice, small waist and a full skirt. Petticoats were a must, the dress was made of silk with lace covering the skirt. She would wear her Mother’s veil made of fine gauze and lace a cream color that would show off the color of her eyes and hair.

When John first bought furniture for the house he didn’t pick out anything for the one master bedroom he felt a wife would want to make that choice. Charlotte was able to pick out what she wanted.

“John, do you think we can call on Lady Susan? I would like to share our news with her.” 

“Most certainly,” he replied, “ I think she will be happy for us.” His smile confirmed his feelings.

\-------------------------------------

“Lady Susan, you have guests, Miss Haywood and Lord Spencer.

“Show them in.” Intrigued by their visit. 

Susan and Charlotte had not written to each other in a few weeks so Susan was surprised to see them together and at her home in London. 

Susan hugged each one , she was thrilled to see them.

“What brings you two to London?” 

John spoke first,” We are engaged to marry in 3 weeks time. We hoped to have your blessing.” 

“Of course, you have my best wishes. I remember asking John to not rush you and to be gentle.” Setting back in her favorite chair. “ Can I be assured that he has been all those things ?

Charlotte hadn’t thought about how she could feel this much happiness. 

Her feelings were on full display and Susan could tell the despair was gone. 

Looking over at John with a big smile on her face just for him” Yes, he has been all those things and more.” 

The three spent some time talking about the events, the house John prepared for her, the wedding and what lay ahead for them. It was apparent to Susan, Charlotte was indeed happy and content. Only sometimes in the night Charlotte would think of Sidney and wonder how he was. Hoping he was well and happy. She found happiness. Why couldn’t he ?

\--------------------------------------

Waiting for Eliza to return, Sidney stayed busy with his work. He did his best to not drink too much; it was of no use. He kept going over what he would say to Eliza, just telling her he didn’t love her wouldn’t help. She saw marriage as a business arraignment. His family no longer needed her money and he would be damned before he married her. 

A message arrived early that morning, Eliza was back and he was summoned to her home. He was shown where she sat in the parlor.

She stood up to meet him halfway trying to kiss his cheek. He turned away, a scowl on his face, stepping back. “Sidney, what is wrong with you?

I thought you would have missed me like I missed you.”

“No Eliza I haven’t, this engagement needs to end. There is no way I can marry you. I’m sorry to say it but there it is.” he kept moving away from her.

“Sidney,” she yelled, ``What has happened, your family needs my money.”

She turned and went to sit down giving him a stern look. 

Sidney didn’t stutter when he told her, “Marriage should be based on love and affection, I feel none of those things for you. I just can’t do it.” As he leaned on the mantle one hand on his hip looking past her. 

“Lady Susan told me you loved another, who is it ? That little church mouse, the girl staying with your brother and Mary ?”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s just not you. Think it over and let me know when this marriage can be called off. You can say anything you want about me just end it.” As he walked to the door, he turned to look at her, “ I’m sorry but this is how it is to be.” With that he was out the door. He felt some relief, finally he got to be honest with her. How did he think this would ever work?

Now what was he going to do ? Go to Sanditon and see Charlotte ? He had not heard anything about her and had no idea she and Lord Spencer were in London and had set a date to wed. 

He had gotten word Lord and Lady Babington were at their London home. 

Feeling great relief after being honest with Eliza he went to call on the Babbington’s. 

“Sidney, welcome,” Babbers was glad to see him. “You are looking well, are things better, working out like you wish ?” As he poured them a drink.

Taking his glass and a look of relief on his face, “I’ve told Eliza I can’t marry her and to call off the engagement. I haven’t heard back from her but as far as I’m concerned it's over.” 

Esther was sitting in the corner of the room, she knew of Charlotte's engagement to Lord Spencer and apparently Sidney didn’t know or he wouldn’t be so relieved. Getting up she asked Lord Babbington if she could have a word.

“Don’t you think we should tell him about Charlotte?”

“I don’t want to be the one to break this news, I can’t think how he will take it.” 

“He needs to know.” She gave her husband a loving kiss on his cheek.

“Yes, your right, I’ll tell him now.” Dreading to tell this news he knew he needed to .

Looking at Sidney Babbington cleared his throat , “Sidney, we have some news that I don’t think you’ve heard.”

__

“Out with it man, what is it ?” Sidney snapped.

“Charlotte is set to marry in another couple of weeks to Lord Spencer.”

That news almost brought Sidney to his knees. He is devastated at the same time he had known this would happen. He would have cried if he hadn’t been with them. His heart sank to the bottom of that deep sea.

He finished his drink and helped himself to another downing it in almost one gulp. 

“I wish her every happiness, I always have.” He sank down in a chair just looking up at the ceiling. “ This is probably best for Charlotte.” 

He didn’t know it would be close to two years before he would see her again. The last time was at dinner at Trafalgar house, he didn't even say goodbye. 

_ \-------------------------------------- _

A few days before her wedding Charlotte went to stay with her parents. John would meet them at the church at 10AM on their wedding day. 

He knew how much he loved and cherished her and he did feel like she loved him. There had been plenty of gossip about her and Sidney, he just prayed she was over that part of her life. He would do everything in his power to make her comfortable and happy. 

\--------------------------------------

“Mother, we don’t need to have this talk,” she looked uncomfortable with the talk her mother was about to give her. 

“I just don’t want you to be afraid or shy with your husband. I can tell he is a kind man and he won’t hurt you. Just be sure to talk to him and let him know how you feel. That’s all I wanted to say. You grew up on this farm and you know how things work.” She gave her daughter a big hug and kissed her forehead. “Now we need to be on our way. You look so beautiful and what a fine dress this is.” Standing up to take a better look.

“Mother don’t cry, we are supposed to be happy,” They giggled as they left the room.

The day had already started out sunny and bright. Only family and a few friends were there. John stood at the altar watching for the door to open.

His smile widened as he saw her step in on her fathers arm. She was as beautiful as ever in her pale cream dress. She wore her mother’s veil leaving her hair down was John’s only request. He had bought the dress for her but had not been allowed to see it until now. Her eyes locked on his and she seemed as happy as he did. The ceremony wasn’t long, they didn’t even remember saying their vows but it was done and he could kiss the bride and she could throw her bouquet into the crowd. The wedding breakfast was prepared at the Haywood home. Now she was Lady Spencer. That would be hard to get used to. 

They ate their fill, John was introduced to everyone and after a last talk with her mother it was time to leave and go to their home in Sanditon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You must read on, the last 2 chapters should make a big difference  
> Thank You for reading and leaving your thoughts and comments.


	6. After The Dark Comes The Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte lives through the pain but she is still standing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may want to have the tissue on hand

John held her hands and kept her close to his side all the way to their home.

“ My love , I was thinking we should name our home, what do you think of Clift House?” 

“John, you're so clever. I think that’s a perfect name. However did you think of it ?”

“I don’t know, it’s on a cliff.” His laugh was infectious, she had to laugh with him.

The staff would be ready to welcome them. The bedroom furniture had been delivered and her things moved from Trafalgar house, Hattie took care to put everything in order. 

Charlotte didn’t know what she needed to do. The excitement of the day and the long trip home had worn her out. The garden was lovely and they walked to sit in the shade while they were served tea. Taking a deep breath she realized this was her home now. Where Sidney grew up !! And if she looked in the wrong direction she could see where he kissed her on the clifftops. She would have to fight the thought of it, she would think of it later or maybe never. 

They rested before their dinner was served. Charlotte was quiet, not really having much to say. It was all so new. She did give John sweet smiles and told him how happy she was. She still felt like she didn’t deserve all this because at the very depth of her soul Sidney was still there. 

The last thing her mother gave her before they left for the church was a gift John had sent. A beautiful heart shaped necklace.

Holding the heart locket in her hands she wanted John to know how much she loved it and him. She didn’t want to feel the guilt for not showing him enough love and affection. 

After their evening meal it was time to retire to the bedchamber. There was a room for John and one for Charlotte separated by a dressing room.

John led her upstairs then stopped in front of her door, “Charlotte, my love. Do you wish me to stay in my room ? He was a kind and gentle man, he would never force himself on a woman, even his wife, the one he loved with all his heart. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her tenderly and passionately. 

Emotion overwhelmed her , she loved him, she knew that he would want to be with her. Gazing up into his eyes“ John, stay with me.” Her words tugged at his heart a feeling of love and affection. It would be the first time SHE kissed him.

They are married now and she knew a man like John would want to be with his wife. He was so good to her, she could never deny him. If she did, guilt would overtake her. 

Susan had sent a fine silk robe, it was laid out on the bed a shade of cream and the light from the candle gave her a golden glow. John helped her take her clothes off standing behind her holding the robe he helped her put it on. Dressed in the silk attraction she still felt bashful, her first night as a married woman. John knew that and took care to be slow, patient and loving. 

She turned to face him sliding her arms around his neck, they didn't need any words their eyes spoke to each other. He held her tight around her waist holding her close and she breathed on his neck, ”John I love you,” Those were the most wonderful words he could hear. He had never seen anything as beautiful . He loved her with all his being. He just wanted to care for her and make sure of her happiness.

  
  


They slipped into bed together and the arousal within her slowly moved down her spine. Yes she did love John and wanted to be the wife he desired. 

Slowly and with purpose she ran her hands along his strong jaw, down his arms and onto his chest. The sounds from his lips let her know she was doing something he enjoyed. Reaching over to hold her close to kiss her cheeks, along her neck then looking in her eyes for permission he kissed her breasts. The feeling was like nothing she had ever felt . A burning deep within, a fire was lite and she knew she loved him. They joined together as one, moving as one. They enjoyed each other, their skin touching each other holding each other close. She felt so blessed to have a husband as kind and caring as him. 

  
  


\-------------------------------------

Days, weeks and months passed. John never changed, always kind and loving to her. The weather was starting to turn to Autumn but everyday John was able to harvest a bouquet of flowers, he would hand them to her and quote bits and pieces of a poem she loved, always with a hug and a kiss. To my love he would say. 

Most evenings they would sit by the fireside and she would read to him. The sound of her soft voice was music and their love and affection grew each day. 

He never saw her looking at the other rooms wondering which room Sidney had slept in or how she stayed away from the direction of the clifftops. 

\-----------------------------

The news of Charlotte's marriage was devastating to Sidney. Eliza had ended the engagement and he was free but it was too late. There was nothing to be done just go on each day working, each night drinking. He had made the monthly trips to Sanditon as general overseer; he paid the workers and made sure the supplies he ordered were being delivered it was his duty. He hated to be the one in control of that and planned to tell John to find someone else and suggest Mr. Stringer would do a good job.

Every time he saw John it was at Trafalgar house, there was no way he could go to his childhood home knowing Charlotte would be there, be the lady of the house. It was best to not see her. He always did ask after her and John was happy to give her praise. John was very proud to have Charlotte as his wife and didn’t mind that everyone knew.

John never did really know what had happened between his wife and Sidney. It was something he really didn’t want to know so he said nothing.

\-------------------------------------

Lord and Lady Spencer had been married now 6 months and she was 3 months with child. Charlotte had no idea she could be so happy. She wanted to go see her family and share the good news. It was early Spring and rain storms would happen out of nowhere. One such storm had passed leaving damaged roads everywhere. John was unsure about how safe the roads would be to Willingden but Charlotte begged him to take her before she got too far along with their child. 

Giving in he asked his groomsman to ready the carriage and they would make the trip. They loaded the carriage and very early the next morning they left for Willingden. Charlotte had settled into being Lady Spencer and she grew to love John more everyday. They were happy together and now a child to share. 

As they were leaving Sanditon it was still dark the sun was just beginning to rise, riding along the cliffs the horses and the driver didn’t see the road had washed out.

It was a horrible accident, the carriage turned on it’s side and slid down the hill, the driver and the horses were in the ravine. Charlotte was knocked unconscious and John was thrown out the window landing between the ground and the carriage. No one knew how long they laid there when some men traveling the same road saw them in a shattered state and climbed down to see what they could do to help. The horses seemed to be alright and the driver was coming around, he didn’t seem to have anything broken.

Charlotte was waking up and in pain, crying out as loud as she could. She could hear the men trying to help. She told them who she was and asked them to get more help, “ go to Trafalgar house and ask for Tom Parker and find Mr. Stringer, he’ll know what to do. We need more help,” she yelled. She was frantic to find her husband. John she screamed over and over but there was no answer. He must be unconscious, “John please answer me.” She was wet between her legs, it was blood. “John please, are you there?” She couldn’t get out and she couldn’t see him. She felt horror and panic as she tried her best to find John. “Oh God where is he?” More blood she was getting faint. 

============================

When she woke again Mary was with her, she was in her old bedroom at Trafalgar house. Dr. Fuchs had been there and she was going to be alright. She had cuts and bruises and she had lost the baby. 

“John, where is John,” she cried,” my baby ?”

Mary called out for Dr. Fuchs.” Faru Spencer,” the kind doctor entered the room. “I fear there was nothing I could do. Lord Spencer has passed and your baby is gone too. Mary sat beside her on the bed when the realization of what the doctor told her became real. She had to understand what he was telling her. Hearing Charlotte's silent scream Mary weeps as silent as her. Charlotte pounded her small hands on the linens. Then she let out ONE guttural soul wrenching sob. Mary hugged her and they cried together. It was unthinkable what Charlotte had to deal with in her life. 

The news was more than she could take, her baby and John were gone. 

She thought she had known hurt and heartache in her life but this, this shook her to her very core. Unbearable pain. 

Hattie stayed in the bedroom with Charlotte, tears threatening her cheeks. 

She would stay with her and see to her needs while the Parker family waited downstairs in the parlor. Mr Stringer was there as well, he had helped retrieve John’s body and move Charlotte to Trafalgar house. He knew her injuries were severe. They heard the scream, sitting motionless there was nothing they could do just be there for their friend. She would need everyone now. Her world had become undone. 

\--------------------------------------

Sitting in his study Sidney heard loud knocking at the door then voices and his housekeeper knocked on the study door. “ Mr. Parker, an urgent message has arrived.” 

“Thank you Mrs. Collins.” Getting up to take the paper.

Taking the message seeing it’s from Mary he thinks something has happened to Tom. He was almost afraid to see this news but he sat down tearing the paper open.

====================

_ Sidney, _

_ While Tom, the children and myself are well I have some bad news to relay. _

_ Charlotte and Lord Spencer have been in a carriage accident. John has passed, Charlotte lost the child she carried. She is cut and bruised but will make a full recovery.  _

_ There will be a service for John in 4 days. The whole town is saddened with this news.  _

_ We are keeping Charlotte here at Trafalgar house until after the service and she is well enough to return to her home. _

_ I just thought you should know. _

_ Yours  _

_ Mary  _

  
==================

Sidney went straight away to Lady Susan’s house to give her the news.

She was struck, she felt grief deep in her soul. While she had not lost a child she had lost a young husband, Lord Worchester died suddenly when they were newly married . She must make the trip to be with Charlotte. The journey Charlotte was about to take would be painful and lasting. 

Was there anything he should do? Sidney thought highly of John, at least he should attend his funeral. 

This is horrible news, how much can Charlotte take? He would travel to Sanditon for the service and if he saw Charlotte he would convey his condolences but that was all.

.

The past year had aged both of them, now older, wiser and more mature.

His heart ached for her but there was nothing to be done. 

===============================

The day of the service grief was on everyone's face. Sobs from the women could be heard. It was a somber service. Someone so young to be gone.

Charlotte felt the guilt of persuading John to take a trip he didn’t think was safe. Again, she felt all the bad things that happened to her were her fault.

She didn’t see Sidney at the funeral but he was there. The last time she saw him was at dinner at Trafalgar house only weeks before she married. She didn’t know it would be almost two years before she saw him again.

Thankfully she still had Hattie and relied on her for everything. How was she ever to be whole again ?

After the service Tom’s carriage took her and Hattie home to Cliff House where in her room she could remember, cry and yell if she wanted . Hattie would stay with her trying to console her. They would cry together.

Somehow she needed to sleep, she needed to eat and she needed time.

The Haywood's made the trip for the service then stayed with Charlotte until she insisted they go home. Lady Susan was there in time for the service and tried to convince her to make the trip to London but Charlotte was determined to stay at Cliff House. 

Days later John’s solicitor came to read the will. It was sealed and signed without question everything he had was now her’s. Having no other heirs John, always was thinking of her and her welfare.

It would be at least 2 weeks before she would accept any other company. Lady Babbington made the trip and stayed a few days. Georgiana was there everyday, Mary came as often as she could. 

Charlotte would be in mourning for a year. Her loss was unfathomable. She was wealthy now and would be able to take care of herself. She would carry this grief for the rest of her life and learn how to appreciate what she once had and live again.

==============================

It had been a year since the accident and time for her to decide what to do with her life. Mary had asked her to lunch and finally she thought she could go. The only thoughts she had for a year were her husband and her baby. 

After lunch, Mary, the children and Charlotte walked to the beach, it was a fine fresh day and it felt good to be out again. No one ever mentioned Sidney and she never asked. He was her first love.

“Mary, did Sidney and Eliza ever get married ?”

“No, he would not go through with it.”

“What is he doing now ?”

“He comes here once a month to pay the workers and check on things. He still lives in London at Bedford Place.”

“Is he happy ?”

“I don’t think so.”

“That’s a shame, I wished him every happiness like I had.”

Off in the distance Charlotte could see the clifftops, she paused for a minute just thinking how life had played a terrible trick on her.

She had loved and lost two men, they would both stay in her heart the rest of her life. She smiled to herself. Yes she was going to be alright.

  
  
  


When they returned to Talfalga house and Charlotte was ready to return to her home she saw Sidney Parker. There he was standing at the front door,

head tilted to one side with that sideways grin she always loved. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for sharing you thoughts


	7. Love Lost Love Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte is strong and life goes on 
> 
> The circle of life comes back around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was meant to be was

There they stood looking at each other. It had been over a year when they last spoke, dinner in the very house they now stood in front of. 

“Lady Spencer, so good to see you.” His smile was the same as it had been so long ago. He didn’t even think about it and reached for her hand. She was glad to see him and met his hand with one of hers.

Sidney had changed and yet he hadn’t. He had stayed loyal to his best self, his truest self. As long as he knew Charlotte was happy and well loved and taken care of he was able to survive. He would see John each month and hear about her and he knew John loved her dearly and she was happy. That’s all he could wish for. He stayed busy working at his import business. 

The money flowed in lump sums. He didn’t have a title but he was well known and thought of. He had become a kinder man to all that knew him. When a decision had to be made he would think about Charlotte and what she would say or do. He followed his heart. 

It was like they were the oldest of friends. It was a warm feeling for both.

Taking her hand he kissed the back of it, looking in her eyes. The eyes he loved what seemed just a day ago. She saw the kindness in him, he wasn’t the same man that left and once broke her heart but much improved. They could speak to each other using first names now. The time apart seemed to bring them closer together. 

“Charlotte, I’m so sorry about John.” He felt the need to let her know. “ I always liked John and I know he loved you dearly.” 

“Yes he did, it’s kind of you to say.” They had so much to talk about and yet the words wouldn’t come. Not speaking of John would be like he never was, never existed but he had been her love, if only for a while.

Charlotte’s time in mourning gave her so much space to think , time to consider her choices, decisions she had made. For some reason that sort of thing causes one to mature, have more understanding of the world around them and know one's own feelings.

“Are you in Sanditon for a while?” She smiled as she spoke. It seemed to him she was the same. 

“I’ve come for the monthly payment to the workers and check on things.”

Never a man to be bashful, he added,” I’d like to stay a few days and maybe we could visit, if you don’t mind that is?” 

“Not at all, we do have a lot to catch up on, do we not ?” She took her hand back and held it with her other hand not wanting the feeling to go away.

“Indeed we do,” his smile had faded, life was so serious now. 

They were the only two standing at that door. “Charlotte, I’ve missed you.” He needed her to know he never stopped thinking about her. Each month as he made his trip to the seaside town he knew he could ask John about her and hear all the latest news. She was happy, that’s all that mattered to him.

“You know where I live so if you would like to call on me I would be agreeable.” Her smile told him she was indeed alright, in some ways he could tell she was still the strong woman he first got to know and love. 

“And Georgiana, have you seen her lately?” He still stood in front of her, the feeling he couldn’t look away or move, she might disappear. 

“Yes, I see her quite often. She is almost of age now and you won’t be her guardian.” A little laugh escaped her lips.

“Quite right you are and I’ll be so relieved.” They both chuckled at the thought. “ She really hasn’t been in much trouble this past year, I don’t exactly know what changed about her but she has certainly settled down.

In fact I don’t think she hates me as much as she once did.” He continued to stand there just looking at her, now the sideways smile she loved appeared back on his face. 

“I think I know what changed her. She spent a lot of time with me this past year and we talked about almost everything, after John, well lets just say she finally knew what loss and pain really was.” 

“If anyone could help her, of course it would be you.” He was proud to think of it.

“ I don’t know about that but she was with me while I was in a really bad state. That may be what has changed about her. More understanding of things, I would say.” 

Charlotte’s carriage and driver were waiting, while she hated to leave it was time. The memories of her first kiss were in her thoughts , like it just happened yesterday. Silly old women she thought to herself. She wasn’t an old woman but sometimes her experiences made her feel that way.

“I need to go now. Do come to see me if you have time.” She didn’t actually feel shy around him anymore like she once had. 

They told each other goodbye and see you soon, they spoke the words at the same time causing them both to laugh. Not a hardly out loud laugh but still they saw the humor in each other. 

Charlotte's carriage took her away toward home while Sidney just stood there watching until she was out of sight. He could feel the same sick feeling he had when he told her he had engaged himself to Mrs. Champion. Thank God for John. He saved him from all that. 

He turned and went into the house to see his family. He felt comfort just being able to see her and say a few words. He made his way into Tom’s study and poured himself a drink. He has almost quit drinking just a little now and again. He would think Charlotte wouldn’t approve if he turned into a drunkard. When the weather permitted over the past year he liked to swim at his favorite cove, always with the memory of her seeing him naked coming out of the water. By rights he should have married her right then.

Mary appeared at the door, “Sidney so good to see you,” he got up, always one to give her a hug. “Is Tom about?” 

“He’s walked down to see Mr. Stringer, he should be back any time.”

Mary was in debt to John and Sidney. John for saving them from ruin and Sidney for offering himself to marry someone he had no feelings for and forsaking his own happiness. 

“ I saw Charlotte outside as she was leaving. She seemed well.” he said as he sat back down.

“Yes, I think she is coming along. You miss her still ? Mary sat beside him.

“ She said I could visit her, what do you think, would it be alright ? Seeing the Parker family home might be hard.” 

“I think it would be a good idea. The home is lovely and I think you would enjoy seeing it and her. She asked about you today, wanted to know if you were happy. I told her I didn’t think so.”

Sidney set back in his chair fidgeting with his fingers. 

“You know, Mary, I always loved her.” 

“Yes I know.” Mary said in a quiet response.

“I’ll go tomorrow afternoon,” then that irresistible smile appeared back on his face. 

============================

Sidney stepped to the front door of his childhood home. Strange feeling to be there now. He knocked and Hattie opened the door to him.

Charlotte wasn’t strict with her help, she often had her meals with them in the kitchen. Sometimes she liked to help cook. It was a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere. 

Hattie knew who he was and almost expected his visit. Charlotte had told her about seeing him and thought he would call.

“Come in Mr. Parker’” she said as she led him to the parlor. “I’ll let Miss Charlotte know you’re here.” Then she disappeared to the kitchen.

Sidney looked around and actually felt comfortable in his old home. It was decorated with great care and taste. A collection of seashells set on a side table then larger ones adored the fireplace mantel. Charlotte must have collected them from the beach. 

“Sidney,” Charlotte came into the room. “I’m glad you came to see me.” her smile was as warm as he remembered it to be.

“Come sit down, I was just fixing some tea.” She jumped back up,” I’ll be right back.” Charlotte didn’t rely on her help to do everything, she liked to do things herself. 

Back with the tea she served him a cup, they sat in silence, still hard to find the right words. 

“Hattie, you're free to go back to whatever you were doing. Mr.Parker and I will be fine.” Hattie went back to the study to read and left them alone. 

“So you never married ?” She asked, still a warm smile on her face. Her dress was a simple day dress but she was beautiful. What she wore mattered not to him.

“No, never did.” He took a sip of his tea, keeping his gaze on her .

“I wished you to be as happy as I was,” she mumbled. 

“I know.” 

They finished their tea and decided to look about the garden. She led the way outside and he told her how it had all changed since he was a boy.

They had so many memories together, some good some not.

As they walked about the garden he told her, “I’m not completely sure when it happened but when I saw you in London and you had left Mary a note and made your way all alone to find Georgiana I knew then how special you were. You risk your life to save another.” He looked away not knowing what she would think. “ I think that is when I knew I loved you.” Nodding his head up and down, smiling at her as they walked.

She chuckled at the thought. “Remember our dance when I was in the golden gown, when I met Susan? That’s when I knew I must be in love with you. You made me so angry and then I cared what you thought of me. Susan explained it to me, I was too young to know.” He thought his heart would melt as she smiled at him then nibbling on her lower lip. 

They got up from their seats and started to walk towards the clifftops, the very place he kissed her so long ago. He took her arm and linked it in his as they made their way to that sacred spot where he stopped and turned to her. 

“Charlotte” he said as it replayed in his mind. 

Looking up at him, “Yes.”

They kissed each other, he held her close, his heart was pounding, he was sure she could hear it. Breaking away and looking in her eyes. “ Charlotte you know I love you.”

She didn’t want to cry but tears were forming in her eyes. “You never told me.” 

He kissed her again, holding her as close as he could. 

“You never told me either,” he breathed. They both wanted to cry or laugh; they weren’t sure which.

============================

6 months later 

Their wedding was a small affair, family and a few friends gathered at the Sanditon church. Friends spent the morning adding flowers and ribbons to the pews and about the windows. Charlotte chose a golden dress similar to the color of the golden ball gown she wore at the masked ball. Sidney couldn’t take his eyes from her then or now. They stood together repeating their vows with a steady gaze between them. 

Mary had the wedding breakfast arranged at Trafalgar House. They were so happy, everyone could tell. They touched each other the whole time, neither one wanting to let go. They would spend a few days at Cliff House then off on their honeymoon. 

=======================

As they entered her bedchamber. “Sidney, could you help me with my dress?” 

“Of course, I’ll be glad to,” and he leaned down to nibble on her ear, taking in the smell of her. Sweet and sensual she was. He unbuttoned her dress. Then taking off her shoes and hose. Holding her robe she took it and dropped it on the floor then laid in the bed patting the space beside her. His eyes never left her as he took off his clothes and crawled in next to her.

His heart swelled, his senses were full of the nearness of her. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her softly, mumbling in her ear how much he loved her, always had and always will. 

She felt warm inside the feel of his skin next to hers. They were meant to be together. She ran her fingers through his hair and down his neck, just feeling his shiver under her touch. 

  
  


“Mrs. Parker,” he said, as he pulled her on top of him.

“I love you , you know ?”

“Yes Mr. Parker, now I know !”

THE END 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You so very much for reading.  
> I've climbed out of that black hole and this little story helped me do it.  
> Somehow putting things into words is therapeutic.  
> Forgive my errors, grammar, punctuation, spelling, 1st or 3rd person, past or present tense.   
> It's a lot !!! .  
> Your comments are welcome.  
> Stay safe


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've never written an epilogue, in fact I've only written 7 little stories.  
> I woke early this morning thinking about it and what a conversation we could have if I was telling the story to you face to face.  
> So this is the best I could do today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a word or two about our characters including E.  
> Hope it's okay and brings closure   
> Can't thank you enough for reading and leaving your comments.   
> Great new hobby

Charlotte and Sidney have been married now 5 years. Once in a while there had been a disagreement or an assumption but on the whole they are very happy and still very much in love. It wasn’t usually for the help to see Mrs. Parker sitting on Mr. Parker's lap. The affection between them obvious. He would rub her back with one hand, the look of contentment on his face. She loved to kiss his cheek and maybe put a finger or two in his hair. Sidney often took Charlotte for a walk to the clifftops so he could kiss her there, a special place to them. Sidney had arranged rocks in the shape of a heart, they would stand in the middle and reflect on that day. They could see the place from the house and they relished reliving that time in their lives. 

  
  


Sidney wakes each day thankful, full of gratitude for the life he now has. At first he quite often had to be in London for his business and didn’t like being away from his family. Hiring an overseer he trusted gave him more time at home. It was strange at first to carry his work into the study. 

John’s personal things had been removed but he was saved by more memories of his father sitting there working at the desk. The Collie dog they had sometimes laid at his feet. The window faced the east allowing the morning sun to brighten the room. A contented man, his only care was his wife and his children.

  
  
  


Charlotte has just delivered their 3rd child and Sidney was beside himself with praise for her. He sees and hears the pain and can’t imagine how she can do it. 

Their first born was a boy, named William who is now 4 and 2 year old Sara, the miniature image of her mum, the two look with amazement at their new baby brother Daniel. Mrs. Haywood had told Charlotte to breastfeed as long as she could and that way she would not be with the next child so soon. 

  
  


One couldn’t help but notice the features of their father mixed with their mother. Handsome children they were. Healthy, happy inquisitive children, in time they would know how fortunate they were to be born to these amazing parents.

Now that Sidney is responsible for a family it’s more important for Sanditon to grow and prosper. He continues his work without much interference from Tom.

Tom and Mary are still together although no one can quite understand except to think Mary must be a saint. Their children are almost grown and will soon leave to make their own way in the world. Without the pressure of financial decisions Tom has settled somewhat. He still drags Sidney into his study to look at all the new plans he thinks up. Sidney, always able to put him off to another day. Tom is a little older now and in need of afternoon naps. A relief to everyone.

  
  


Hattie was still with them and took on new positions. From ladies maid to nanny she learned to be a helpful midwife when the babies were born.

Mr. Stringer would often be at Cliff House for repairs or helping build a new crib where he would meet Hattie at the door. Growing quite fond of each other the two married, living only a short way from Cliff House. Hattie continued her work for the Parkers. That all could change when Hattie could one day expect her own child.

Mr. Stranger continued his foreman work to build the town, it’s his home and while he had the opportunity to leave he was grateful to stay. Knowing one day he would have his own children he dreamed of the crib he would build.

  
  


From time to time Lady Susan enjoyed a visit to Cliff House, it warmed her heart to see the joyous family as they grew. The children soon learned they could expect gifts when she arrived. The only change in Susan was she grew a little older, still an expert when it came to matters of the heart and life as it were. She continued her relationship with her special friend traveling the continent from time to time.

Lord and Lady Babbington remained in a contented marriage and close friends, the families often visited each other, children about the same age. The women talked of how their lives had changed and how happy they were. The men remembered times they would get into trouble, thankful they had wives now to help keep them in control. They still enjoyed a drink now and again, no more in excess as they once knew. The women were sure better husbands and fathers could not be found. Joy abound. 

The Regatta reminded a yearly affair hosting move visitors each season.

The cricket match would start the event fun to be had by all. They raced the boats and helped the children build their sandcastles then the ball would be the biggest event on the final day. Sidney and Charlotte would sneak to the balcony so he could steal a kiss. They danced eyes fixed on each other. 

A happier couple could not be found it was plain for everyone who cared to see.

Apartments were in great demand, they rented as soon as they were built. 

Eliza never was seen again in Sanditon. Rumors were she married well, someone from France and never saw London again. Those that knew her wished her well and only hoped her stay in another country would be lasting. 

THE END  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank You for reading and comments are welcome. Hopefully my new hobby will get better as I continue to try.


End file.
